The Elephant In the Room (or How I Learned to Live With Uncertainty)

So, I work at a women’s clothing store. I am a casual and I work roughly 4 shifts a week. The other days I devote to working on a university degree, reading and writing enthusiastically (most of the time).
My boss, the manager of the store I work in, seems to be pregnant. ‘Seems to be’ are the key words in that sentence. I have heard no confirmation from herself and or anyone else. The only clue I have in this mystery is her suspiciously protruding belly and the suddenly careful way she moves around, bends over etc.
I have had this suspicion for a few weeks now. After she got back from a week of annual leave which was followed by myself having a week off, I saw her for the first time in awhile. She looked like she was having a baby. Unfortunately, the words ‘baby,’ ‘pregnant’ or ‘nauseous’ haven’t left her lips even once. So I am not 100% certain of this fact.
And the uncertainty is making me a little crazy. It is the big, pink elephant in the room that I desperately want to kill. However, a part of me wants this elephant to live. Why? I am afraid of confirming my suspicion, because my boss will inevitably have to leave the shop. Even if she comes back after a few months, there will have to be a replacement manager. And that person could be horrible.
Maybe that seems a little pessimistic, but I have not had the best luck when it comes to bosses who are nice and sane. I thought that I had hit the jackpot after I started working with my current manager. She is nice, calm and not prone to psychotic fits of rage (long story). Who could ask for anything more?
So, I am worried about this baby bump. It could be the difference between me having a casual, generally stress-free job or being enslaved to a psycho dictator who spits when they yell (another long story).
The other girls I work with share my suspicions of our boss’ condition. However, they do not seem too concerned. Clearly, they haven’t had the same torturous experiences that I have had, but their casualness bewilders me. Don’t they care? This is a big deal.
Or is it? Am I worrying about nothing? I don’t know.
I do know that this so far unbreached subject between my manager and me is getting a bit ridiculous. I so badly want to get it out in the open. This thing between us; it makes for much awkwardness and I provide enough of that already (too much).
But even if I knew one way or the other- what can I do? Until the replacement manager turns up and I meet them, I won’t know how to proceed. I won’t know whether I should stick around or bolt as fast as I can.
I don’t like uncertainty. I like resolutions and schedules. Things written down and carefully laid plans are what I prefer. Not indecision.
I wish I had a crystal ball so I could see into the future. Will I need to start looking for another job? Would I be better sticking around? Will I regret having a cheese and tomato sandwich for lunch?
So many questions…
Screw it. I’m going to go lose myself in a book.


‘Hunger Games’ Purge

Over the last two days, I have binge-read the Hunger Games trilogy.
And now I’m having major withdrawals. I considered saving the third book for today, anticipating that depression would set in once I’d finished.
But, of course, I didn’t. I have no self-control. And I really, really liked reading these books.
I am always the last one to jump on a bandwagon. The ‘Hunger Games’ trilogy has been extremely popular for years and I never seriously considered reading them.
I’m not sure why this is. I remember them flying off the shelves when I worked in a book store a few years ago. Around the same time, the ‘Twilight’ books were also doing big business, so possibly I unconsciously related them in my mind. (However, I don’t plan to read that series.)
Another reason I may have overlooked the ‘Hunger Games’ series was because my Aunty recommended them. I love her and trust her taste, but at the time she was also avidly reading the ‘Twilight’ series, so… just no.

Anyway, jump cut to the present, where I find myself with the sudden urge to read the series. Why? The only reason I can think of is that I saw the trailer for the second movie in the ‘Hunger Games’ series and I was immediately excited to watch it.
I remember viewing the first one when it was released and I really enjoyed it, but for whatever reason, it didn’t make me rush out and purchase the books. So, this time around I think it all just came down to timing.
A few days after watching the trailer, I was seeing ‘Hunger Games’ promotional material everywhere and I went to the shops with my mum. It was Thursday. I was facing three days off of work with nothing planned and I was eager for something new to consume: a great television series or a great book.
At first, it seemed as if a television series was going to eat up my days off; I bought ‘Mad Men’ season 6 and the second series of ‘Twin Peaks.’ I figured that I was all set for a TV series marathon.
Until I wandered into a book store while waiting for my mum and began browsing. Within seconds, I had seen about eight books that I really wanted to read but the ‘Hunger Games’ series caught my eye. I hadn’t seen the new covers, the ‘adult’ version.

I considered buying them but they were $20 each and I had just spent a considerable amount of money on DVDs, so I didn’t. I had the sneaking suspicion that I would regret doing so.
Later at home, I mentioned that I almost bought the books to my brother and he said, “Lucky you didn’t because I already have the first one.”

So, that’s how that started.
Next thing I know, the second half of the day is spent engrossed in the first book ‘The Hunger Games.’ I didn’t get very far in it before knowing that I would have to somehow get the next two, and fast.
I finished the first book that night and the next morning, I went to the local shops in search for the other two. I found the second book ‘Catching Fire’ at the library but none of the shops had the third book ‘Mockingjay.’
Eager to read the second book but knowing that pretty soon I would be desperate for the third, I went home.
And I read. And read. And read. Near to the end, I sent my sister a text begging her to buy the third book for me after she finished work, which she did.
I finished the second book at around 5pm, but decided to have a little break. I discussed it with my mum; she advised me to save the third for today and I knew that she was right.
But still I didn’t listen. I devoured that sucker, reading until midnight had come and gone.
After I was finished, I was in kind of a post-binge reading stupor. Completely caught up in the ‘Hunger Games’ world but having no choice but to wake up back in reality.
It took me a long time to fall asleep.

Now, it’s today. I had hoped that a night of sleeping would have shaken me out of the stupor but most of it remained. I wandered aimlessly through the house, not feeling like doing anything but reading more of the books. Except there aren’t anymore.
Finally, I decided that I needed to be productive. Getting things done and completing tasks would distract me out of my funk.
So, I sat down to my computer with the aim of continuing a story that I’ve been working on.
But nothing happened. I was still so entrenched in the world of the ‘Hunger Games’; I couldn’t focus on another world. I was still stuck inside Katniss’ head; I couldn’t see from another character’s point of view.

So, I did the only thing I could think of. I wrote about it. About the books and my experience with them.
This is a very self-indulgent blog post. I am basically trying to rid myself of an obsession by going on and on about it. Purging myself of the ‘Hunger Games,’ I guess.
Now, here I am. Having got all of that out of my system. Thank you, readers, if you made it this far. My mind feels somewhat clearer now.
I may just be able to work on my story.
Wish me luck!
And may the odds be ever in your favour!

James Lipton’s Smile Freaks Me Out (but I’ve Always Wanted to Answer These Questions)

So, I’m not a huge fan of “Inside the Actor’s Studio.’ Something about the host creeps me out.

His only redeemable feature is that he was on ‘Arrested Development’ and played a weird version (or not) of himself. Additionally, I can’t think of James Lipton, without seeing Will Ferrell’s epic impression of him. It is awesome.

That being said… I like answering questions! Especially fun ones, such as these. So here goes:

1.What is your favorite word?
Lackadaisical. I don’t know why; it’s not a particularly positive word (it means lacking enthusiasm and determination) but I just like the sound of it. I enjoy saying it. That is all.

2.What is your least favorite word?
LOL. I hate it. It’s one thing to use it in texts; it’s another thing entirely to actually SAY it out loud.

3.What turns you on creatively, spiritually or emotionally?
Creative turns ons include fantastic and inspiring books, music, art, cinema and television. And showers. I get a lot of ideas for stories in the shower.

4.What turns you off?
Unsupportive people.

5.What is your favorite curse word?
I try to curb my cursing as I live in a house with my four younger siblings. So, when I get that sudden urge to swear, I usually manage to turn it into a harmless word. For example: instead of fuck, I say fudge. It had the added advantage of sounding funny and often making me feel better.

6.What sound or noise do you love?
My dog trying to speak. To be honest, I’m not sure what her intention is when she makes those sounds. It starts out like a conversational howl and then turns into pseudo-words. It’s cute as hell and hilarious.

7.What sound or noise do you hate?
I effing hate the sound of someone clearing their throat and spitting. You know the kind? The deep, guttural clearing of the throat and the expelling of the phlegm?
It’s horrible. And I apologise for the description, but I want people to understand why I hate it so much. Obviously, because its gross and disgusting and whenever I hear it, I am put off my food, even if I don’t happen to be currently eating.

8.What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?
Pet photographer. I’m not absolutely certain that this is a thing, but I know that I would love it. At least, judging by the amount of pictures of my dog and cat I post on instagram. I’m brilliant at capturing certain expressions on their faces. My secret? I take hundreds of pictures ALL OF THE TIME and eventually, just get lucky.

9.What profession would you not like to do?
There’s probably quite a few, but the first that comes to mind is working in a butcher shop. I am a vegetarian and get consistently grossed out by the sight, smell, feel but particularly sight of meat. Cooked, raw, oozing blood… I dislike all kinds. So, having to cut into animal organs and pick it up and bag it and act like I don’t want to vomit all day seems like a pretty terrible job to me.

10.If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?
“I forgive you for not having faith in my existence. There are some pretty shitty things on Earth that make it hard to do so. Luckily, there are no consequences to being an atheist! I know! Awesome, right? The ones who believed in me are pretty pissed off, but whatevs. I’m God; I can do what I want!”

Back From the Dead!

Okay, so I wasn’t DEAD, but I was definitely close to it.

The last few weeks, I have been in an exam-stress-induced haze, a constant, never-ending cycle of exam-study-sleep-repeat.

Finally, the cycle is over. Finished. Ka-boom. (explosion sound effect)

I killed those mutha-effers! (referring to the exams)

Or, I hope I did. At any rate, they are donesies, gonzo, ka-put (spitting sound effect? honestly not sure)

So, now that that extremely stressful, heart rate increasing, acne-causing, ass-ache part of my life is OVER- I thought I’d get back to bizness!

Which means- sleeping through the night (AMAZING), reading for FUN (what a marvellous concept!) and dusting off my writing skills (May need a vacuum and a good spritz).

So, here I am. Ready for the writin’.

Ready to go back to my 2-3 posts a week.

Get used to seeing my face (or rather my display image) because it’s not going anywhere!

At least until my exams for Uni.



Sorry for the absence!


I have been very quiet on here lately.

I’m sorry- it’s unavoidable. I have multiple important exams coming up and my brain space feels like its filled to the brink with information relating to the subjects I’m studying.

Literally, I feel like I can’t handle anymore thoughts that are not related to these upcoming exams.

For that reason, I’m afraid that I will have to go on a little hiatus.

Just until these exams are over.


See you then 😉