So, I work at a women’s clothing store. I am a casual and I work roughly 4 shifts a week. The other days I devote to working on a university degree, reading and writing enthusiastically (most of the time).
My boss, the manager of the store I work in, seems to be pregnant. ‘Seems to be’ are the key words in that sentence. I have heard no confirmation from herself and or anyone else. The only clue I have in this mystery is her suspiciously protruding belly and the suddenly careful way she moves around, bends over etc.
I have had this suspicion for a few weeks now. After she got back from a week of annual leave which was followed by myself having a week off, I saw her for the first time in awhile. She looked like she was having a baby. Unfortunately, the words ‘baby,’ ‘pregnant’ or ‘nauseous’ haven’t left her lips even once. So I am not 100% certain of this fact.
And the uncertainty is making me a little crazy. It is the big, pink elephant in the room that I desperately want to kill. However, a part of me wants this elephant to live. Why? I am afraid of confirming my suspicion, because my boss will inevitably have to leave the shop. Even if she comes back after a few months, there will have to be a replacement manager. And that person could be horrible.
Maybe that seems a little pessimistic, but I have not had the best luck when it comes to bosses who are nice and sane. I thought that I had hit the jackpot after I started working with my current manager. She is nice, calm and not prone to psychotic fits of rage (long story). Who could ask for anything more?
So, I am worried about this baby bump. It could be the difference between me having a casual, generally stress-free job or being enslaved to a psycho dictator who spits when they yell (another long story).
The other girls I work with share my suspicions of our boss’ condition. However, they do not seem too concerned. Clearly, they haven’t had the same torturous experiences that I have had, but their casualness bewilders me. Don’t they care? This is a big deal.
Or is it? Am I worrying about nothing? I don’t know.
I do know that this so far unbreached subject between my manager and me is getting a bit ridiculous. I so badly want to get it out in the open. This thing between us; it makes for much awkwardness and I provide enough of that already (too much).
But even if I knew one way or the other- what can I do? Until the replacement manager turns up and I meet them, I won’t know how to proceed. I won’t know whether I should stick around or bolt as fast as I can.
I don’t like uncertainty. I like resolutions and schedules. Things written down and carefully laid plans are what I prefer. Not indecision.
I wish I had a crystal ball so I could see into the future. Will I need to start looking for another job? Would I be better sticking around? Will I regret having a cheese and tomato sandwich for lunch?
So many questions…
Screw it. I’m going to go lose myself in a book.
Five years old? Well, that was a long time (16 years to be exact) ago. Give me a second to remember…
One of my childhood heroes has to be undoubtedly Sonya from the Mortal Kombat games (and awful 90’s movies). I loved her ability to kick ass, especially since (as far as I can remember) she was human and often fought not-so human fighters. I loved her snappy comebacks, the way she’d roll her eyes and I especially loved her long blonde hair. She was fierce and fabulous! What more could you ask for?
Another hero of mine was… Shania Twain. Why? She was not easily impressed (see her song ‘That Don’t Impress Me Much’) and she could pull off a skin tight leopard print body suit thing as well as a man’s shirt. I also loved her vulnerable side, her love songs. One of them particularly (I think it’s called ‘From This Moment’) makes me nostalgic. Every time I hear it, I remember mournfully looking out the car window, on the way home after staying at my grandparent’s house and missing them like crazy. I never wanted to leave their house; I was desperate to live there and being the melodramatic kid that I was, this song playing on the radio at the time seemed to represent my state of mind perfectly.
I have a confession to make (and don’t judge me- I was a total 90’s kid). I loved the Spice Girls. I loved their music, I loved their whole look and attitude and I especially enjoyed watching their movie ‘Spice World’ over and over again. You know how kids immediately pick someone out of a group of musicians (or characters or whatever) that they identify with? Well, I liked Sporty Spice. I figured we had the most in common. Truthfully, I always wanted to be ‘Baby Spice’ (again with the blonde hair) but realistically I knew I was Sporty Spice.
So there you have it. My heroes. The people that I looked up to and identified with or aspired to be like when I was a child. Thank god my tastes have improved since then.
The following list sums me up as best a list of songs can do:
In the Backseat by Arcade Fire
“I’ve been learning to drive my whole life.”
The Lovecats by the Cure
“It’s the grooviest thing. It’s the perfect dream.”
Deeper Well by Emmylou Harris
“Lookin’ for the water from a deeper well.”
Rest in Peace performed by James Marsters and written by Joss Whedon
“And you just love to play the thought that you might misbehave.”
Seven Nation Army by the White Stripes
“And all the words are gonna bleed from me and I will think no more.”
Sprawl II (Mountains Beyond Mountains) by Arcade Fire
“Quit these pretentious things and just punch the clock.”
For a long, long time, my eyes have been glued to the television screen. I guess you could call it an addiction. It’s something that I regret wasting many many hours doing, especially when I was younger.
Nowadays, I still watch a fair amount of television, but I try to regulate it. Only so many hours a day and so forth. I also try to avoid unnecessarily re-watching series and movies. That was a major time-suck of my childhood. I bet I watched the ‘Charmed’ series seven or eight times over. ‘The O.C’ was a (now embarrassing) obsession of mine. I watched it until the discs skipped and the packaging fell apart. Even ‘the Golden Girls,’ which is a series that I still love, I overdosed on it majorly when I was younger.
I regret not getting out of the house a bit more or even just reading and expanding my mind a bit more. Instead, I would go through days where I barely had to wake my brain up at all. What a waste. I guess the good thing is that I have come to this realisation. I no longer binge-watch to the extent of my childhood. I watch a much larger variety of shows and movies, but most importantly, I do a lot of other things too. I write. I read. I listen to music. I go outside every now and then. I experience life a lot more now than back then and for that I am grateful.
I have been prattling on with this blog for many years now. I enjoy writing, which is good, because it’s my job. I write novels, poetry, songs and scripts for the movies and television.
That may sound like a lot, but I have the unique ability to write extremely fast, so that despite my massive success and the huge demand for my work, I have a lot of time on my hands to do fun things, such as swim in my pool, play with my fourteen dogs and cats, read books from my private library, jet overseas for a little adventure or watch movies in the theatre that I own.
So, if you have any questions, feel free to ask!
If you’ll excuse me, I am going to go through the drive through in my flying car.
Dear younger me,
Ahem. Not quite sure what to tell you. I don’t want to give too much away; I wouldn’t want a ‘Back to the Future’ situation in which I alter the course of history unintentionally.
Or do I? I don’t know. I guess I have to think about it for a bit. Do I have regrets? Definitely. Who doesn’t?
I regret cutting off contact with my friends after moving away. Maybe that’s an extreme description. I have a vague memory of writing letters for a while, but we just petered out. I guess I regret not trying harder to maintain the friendships from my school years. It won’t be until a few years have passed and you discover Facebook that you will get the chance to be reacquainted however slightly through social media. So, I guess I want you to try harder. I know it’s difficult, I know we moved a lot and it seemed futile to fight for friendships when we would just move away again. However, at some point we stopped and we settled. But I still didn’t try to make friends. I don’t know if I forgot how to or what. I think I had trouble shutting off that instinct that told me not to get close to people because inevitably I would lose them. It is still something I struggle with today. Maybe if I had tried to overcome it sooner, I would have more friends today.
I’m having a little trouble with pronouns seeing as I am talking to myself. Or a younger version of me. *waves awkwardly*
What other wisdom do I want to impart? Hmmm…
Don’t give up on your high school certificate because of all the work you’ve got and all the money that comes rolling in. You will end up regretting it and going back when you’re older to complete it. It’s less embarrassing to just do it when you’re supposed to and who knows where I’d be today if I’d stayed on that track?
Like I said, pronouns= difficult when talking to me/you.
What else? What else…
Spend more time with your family. They will not always be around to take for granted. Same goes with your pets. The average lifespan of an animal is in no way a guarantee for how long you can expect them to live.
Forgive and forget. Grudges require anger and energy and negativity. It’s exhausting to hold them and frankly, that effort could be used much more productively.
Ok, here is a bullet point list for brevity’s sake:
• Read more. Don’t be embarrassed because it seems like no one else you know likes books.
• Write more. See above.
• Get out more. See the world and experience new things.
• Try to eat better and get more exercise. You’ll be stuck with your body for awhile (hopefully) so treat it better.
So, that’s it from me. I hope things go well for you. Who knows? If you take any of the above advice, my life now just might change (hopefully for the better).
Hmmm… my best thinking?
That would have to take place in my bed, at the end of the day. It’s unfortunate, really, because it gets in the way of a good night’s sleep, but inspiration tends to hit me then. Ideas for stories come to me and my imagination runs wild.
I guess it happens because it’s the time of day when I slow down. I’m not focusing on whatever I have to get done, I’m not trying to get some place, my body is resting but my mind is just starting to wake up.
I will be starting to drift off when suddenly an idea will hit me. I get up, stumble over to my desk, scrawl down a couple of sentences on a post-it and hope that that will satiate me enough so I can get some rest. It’s not always enough.
Every now and then I just have to get up, take off my sleep mask, turn on the light, sit at my desk and write. Write it out. Every thought, plot, story, character, idea, title and general tone that I have come up with just has to get jotted down. On the few occasions that I have ignored this need to write everything down, I have lost the idea by the time I wake up the next day. It’s very much like trying to remember a dream. Impossible. And I regret not putting the idea on paper.
All I can do is hope that inspiration will strike again the next time I go to bed.